Anxiety I Never Knew

Sometimes life kicks you in the gut and you feel yourself gasping for breath. Everything seems restricted, it’s like you want to get out of your physical body and rip everything bit by bit.

I was anxious. It was a type of anxiety I never knew, never experienced before. Even at the lowest point of my life, I never felt this kind of anxiety. It was just paralyzing. Logically I understood that I can still move but it somehow felt I couldn’t. I was breathing but it felt like I was out of breath. I was free but it felt like my feet are buried in the ground. No one was restraining me but it felt like I was held captive.

The anxiety was real and I had to work hard on myself to get past it. I had to process it with the help of my counselor and friends. I needed to sift through all the mental clutter, dissect every thought, filter every memory, and rearrange everything.

It was hard. It is still hard. I’m not yet past the anxiety but I have learned to manage it. It’s still there but it’s not quieter.